Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First - Episode 302/Chronic Takers – How to Get Them Out of Your Life
Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First
Hello and welcome to
#MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst-Episode 302
Title: Chronic Takers – How to
Get Them Out of Your Life
As an active, outgoing
person seeking to have more in life, you will attract all kinds of people.
Many of these people will
help you and support your goals. Some will become lifelong friends.
Some will be lovers.
Still others will teach
and/or guide you.
Good people, by and large,
attract good people.
But if, in addition to
your capacity for growth, you have a generous spirit, you will also attract
another sort of person — the Chronic Taker.
The Chronic Taker comes in
all shapes and sizes.
He may be your best friend
or a family member, an employee or a partner, a casual acquaintance, a vendor,
a customer, or even a teacher.
The Chronic Taker needs
your help, but not just once or every now and then. He needs it always.
The Chronic Taker admits
weaknesses, confesses mistakes, and identifies all his many problems.
You cannot have a
five-minute conversation with the CT without discovering some new calamity that
has beset him.
You are the CT’s
salvation. You listen. You care. You give him suggestions, make connections,
and even lend him money.
You do those things
because you think you may be the only one he can turn to and because it makes
you feel good.
The Problem With Chronic Giving
Chronic Takers are
attractive to accomplishment-oriented people for two reasons.
First, they give you the
opportunity to help — and there is nothing that feels better than helping.
Second, they come to you
with complicated problems — and there is nothing achievement-oriented people
like better than problems.
The intellectual and
emotional rewards for solving problems are almost as great as the joy in
helping.
Here’s an interesting
thing you should know about CTs:
You like them a whole lot
more than they like you.
It might surprise you to
realize that CTs almost always resent the people who help them.
I don’t know exactly where
the resentment comes from or what its ingredients are (though fear and envy
must be a part), but I have observed this reaction time and again.
The big difference between
Chronic Takers and independent people who occasionally need help is that CTs
never get themselves entirely out of trouble.
There is always something
wrong.
Always something that
needs fixing.
Despite all your best
efforts — and all your time and money and wisdom — CTs never manage to climb
out of the holes they’ve dug themselves into.
If you are a Chronic
Taker, stop being one immediately Recognize that nobody owes you anything.
Face the fact that
anything you want must be worked for and try to understand that the hard work
you need to do will give you pleasure.
If you have one Chronic
Taker in your life, you probably have half a dozen. Identify who they are.
Be sure to distinguish
between CT’s (who give back nothing) and high-maintenance partners (who give
back what they get but require a lot of extra attention to do so).
Once you have your list,
make yourself a promise that you will never again take their bait.
The next time one of your
CTs comes to you with a problem, do one of two things.
1. Sympathize, but offer
no help whatsoever.
2. Sympathize and then
tell him one of your problems.
Try either of these tricks
and you will be amazed at how fast the CT loses interest in you.
When the CT senses that he
is wasting his woes on someone equally afflicted, he will exit pronto.
If he values your
relationship/friendship, he will come back.
If he doesn’t, he won’t.
By eliminating Chronic
Takers from your life in this way, you will have
(1) more time to spend on
worthwhile relationships and
(2) less stress from
carrying the weight of countless problems that aren’t your problems at all.
As an added bonus, a truly
dysfunctional relationship may be upgraded to a genuine friendship — and your
friend may figure out how to solve his own problems.
One possible exception: If
the CT is a family member, you might want to take care of him as part of your
family responsibility.
If you do that, recognize
that you aren’t helping him so much as you are keeping the family’s business in
the family.
This would apply, most
obviously, to someone with an alcohol or drug problem.
Sorry to end this message
on such a depressing note.
Oh, well.
Until I come your way
again, this is #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst
Keep it coming!!!
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#DrJTF
PS:
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This Program is powered by Topitup Media & Communication Nigeria.
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rights Reserved (c) 2018
Source: Early To Rise
Eziokwu..... Truth, let me start sharing, this is amazing
ReplyDeleteYes, that's the truth
DeletePlease share for others to read and understand too
Thanks
Most people that come on my way with such attitude I taught them how to catch fish and now they are independent and my best friend too.
ReplyDeleteExactly, that is the way to go
DeleteIf they want to learn how to catch fish, be free to help them but if they want to take without giving back, show them the way out