Morning Vibes With Dr Jerry - The First-Episode 142/Overcome Low Self Esteem

Friday                            2nd February 2018

Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First

Hello and welcome to #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst-Episode 142

Title:          If You Have To Choose Yourself First This Year, These Are The 8 Things To Throw Overboard - Low Self Esteem

In continuation of our discussion on the habits to drop like a piece of hot charcoal if you have to choose yourself first this 2018.

Two days ago we took a look at Negative Thinking and we made it clear that it is the biggest bad habit to drop in order to move forward

Today we are taking a look at  Low Self Esteem

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves.

When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us able to deal with life's ups and downs better.

When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical light. We also feel less able to take on the challenges life throws at us.

We all have times when we lack confidence and don't feel good about ourselves.

But when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it can have a harmful effect on our mental health and our lives.

People with low self-esteem are more troubled by failure and tend to exaggerate events as being negative.

For example, they often interpret non critical comments as critical.

They are more likely to experience social anxiety and low levels of interpersonal confidence.

This in turn makes social interaction with others difficult as they feel awkward, shy, conspicuous, and unable to adequately express themselves when interacting with others.

Furthermore, low self-esteem individuals tend to be pessimistic towards people and groups within society.

Research has also shown that low self-esteem has been linked to an increased risk of teenage pregnancy.

Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem

Social withdrawal

Anxiety and emotional turmoil

Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness

Less social conformity

Eating disorders

Inability to accept compliments

An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself

Accentuating the negative

Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think

Self neglect

Treating yourself badly but NOT other people

Worrying whether you have treated others badly

Reluctance to take on challenges

Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.

Reluctance to trust your own opinion

Expecting little out of life for yourself.

In summary therefore, these are the most common characteristics that best describe people  with low self-esteem.

Withdrawn/shy/quiet

Insecure

Underachieving

Negative (attitude)

Unhappy

Socially inept

Angry/hostile

Unmotivated

Depressed

Dependent/follower

Poor self-image

Non-risk-taker

Lacks elf-confidence

Poor communication

Acts out

What causes low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media send us messages about ourselves, both positive and negative. 

For some reason, the message that you are not good enough is the one that stays with you.

Perhaps you found it difficult to live up to other people's expectations of you, or to your own expectations.

Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem.

Personality can also play a part. Some people are just more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.

How does low self-esteem affect us?

If you have low self-esteem or confidence, you may hide yourself away from social situations, stop trying new things and avoid things you find challenging.

"In the short term, avoiding challenging and difficult situations makes you feel a lot safer," says Chris Williams, Professor of Psychosocial Psychiatry at the University of Glasgow.

"In the longer term, this can backfire because it reinforces your underlying doubts and fears. It teaches you the unhelpful rule that the only way to cope is by avoiding things."

Living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health, leading to problems like depression and anxiety.

You may also develop unhelpful habits, such as smoking and drinking too much, as a way of coping.

How to have healthy self-esteem

To boost your self-esteem, you need to identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself, then challenge them.

You may tell yourself you are "too stupid" to apply for a new job, for example, or that "nobody cares" about you.

Start to note these negative thoughts and write them down on a piece of paper or in a diary.

Ask yourself when you first started to think these thoughts.

Next, start to write down evidence that challenges these negative beliefs: "I am really good at cryptic crosswords" or "My sister calls for a chat every week".

Write down other positive things about yourself, such as "I am thoughtful" or "I am a great cook" or "I am someone that others trust".

Also write down good things that other people say about you.

Aim to have at least five things on your list and add to it regularly.

Then put your list somewhere you can see it. That way, you can keep reminding yourself that you are OK.

"You might have low confidence now because of what happened when you were growing up," says Professor Williams. "But we can grow and develop new ways of seeing ourselves at any age."

Other ways to improve low self-esteem

Here are some other simple techniques that may help you feel better about yourself.

Recognise what you are good at 

We are all good at something, whether it's cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend.

We also tend to enjoy doing the things we are good at, which can help to boost your mood.

  

Build positive relationships

If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions.

Seek out relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.

Be kind to yourself

Professor Williams advises: "Be compassionate to yourself. That means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical.

"Think what you'd say to a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves."

Learn to be assertive

Being assertive is about respecting other people's opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them.

One trick is to look at other people who act assertively and copy what they do. "It's not about pretending you're someone you're not," says Professor Williams. "It's picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out."

Start saying 'no'

People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they don't really want to.

The risk is that you become overburdened, resentful, angry and depressed.

"For the most part, saying no doesn't upset relationships," says Professor Williams. "It can be helpful to keep saying no in different ways until they get the message."

Give yourself a challenge

We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times.

But people with healthy self-esteem don't let these feelings stop them from trying new things or taking on challenges.

Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion.

Achieving your goals will help to increase your self-esteem. 

Until I come your way again, this is #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst

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