Sunday 4th February 2018
Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First
Hello and welcome to
#MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst-Episode 144
Title: If You Have To Choose Yourself First This Year,
These Are The 8 Things To Throw Overboard - Stopping Negative Self Talk
In continuation of our
discussion on the habits to drop like a piece of hot charcoal if you have to
choose yourself first this 2018.
Yesterday we took a look
at Overcoming Self Doubt and discussed in details what it is and how it can be
overcome in order to move forward
Today we are taking a look
at Stopping Negative Self Talk
Most people don’t realize
it, but as we go about our daily lives we are constantly thinking about and
interpreting the situations we find ourselves in.
It’s as though we have an
internal voice inside our head that determines how we perceive every situation.
Psychologists call this
inner voice ‘self-talk‘, and it includes our conscious thoughts as well as our
unconscious assumptions or beliefs.
Much of our self-talk is
reasonable — ‘I’d better do some preparation for that exam’, or ‘I’m really
looking forward to that match’.
However, some of our
self-talk is negative, unrealistic or self-defeating — ‘I’m going to fail
for sure’, or ‘I didn’t play well! I’m hopeless’.
Self-talk is often skewed
towards the negative, and sometimes it’s just plain wrong.
If you are
experiencing depression,
it is particularly likely that you interpret things negatively.
That’s why it’s useful to
keep an eye on the things you tell yourself, and challenge some of the negative
aspects of your thinking.
You can test, challenge
and change your self-talk. You can change some of the negative aspects of your
thinking by challenging the irrational parts and replacing them with more
reasonable thoughts.
With practice, you can
learn to notice your own negative self-talk as it happens, and consciously
choose to think about the situation in a more realistic and helpful way.
Challenging the Self-Talk
Disputing your self-talk
means challenging the negative or unhelpful aspects. Doing this enables you to
feel better and to respond to situations in a more helpful way.
Learning to dispute
negative thoughts might take time and practice, but is worth the effort.
Once you start looking at
it, you’ll probably be surprised by how much of your thinking is inaccurate,
exaggerated, or focused on the negatives of the situation.
Whenever you find yourself
feeling depressed, angry, anxious or upset, use this as your signal to stop and
become aware of your thoughts. Use your feelings as your cue to reflect on your
thinking.
A good way to test the
accuracy of your perceptions might be to ask yourself some challenging
question.
These questions will help
you to check out your self-talk to see whether your current view is reasonable.
This will also help you
discover other ways of thinking about your situation.
There are four main types
of challenging questions to ask yourself:
1. Reality testing
What is my evidence for
and against my thinking?
Are my thoughts factual,
or are they just my interpretations?
Am I jumping to negative
conclusions?
How can I find out if my
thoughts are actually true?
2. Look for alternative explanations
Are there any other ways
that I could look at this situation?
What else could this mean?
If I were being positive,
how would I perceive this situation?
3. Putting it in perspective
Is this situation as bad
as I am making out to be?
What is the worst thing
that could happen? How likely is it?
What is the best thing
that could happen?
What is most likely to
happen?
Is there anything good
about this situation?
Will this matter in five years
time?
When you feel anxious,
depressed or stressed-out your self-talk is likely to become extreme, you’ll be more
likely to expect the worst and focus on the most negative aspects of your
situation. So, it’s helpful to try and put things into their proper
perspective.
4. Using goal-directed thinking
Is thinking this way
helping me to feel good or to achieve my goals?
What can I do that will
help me solve the problem?
Is there something I can
learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time?
Recognizing that your
current way of thinking might be self-defeating (e.g., it doesn’t make you feel
good or help you to get what you want) can sometimes motivate you to look at
things from a different perspective.
You can conquer your
negative self-talk today by challenging yourself with these questions every
time you catch yourself thinking something negative to yourself.
Negative Self-Talk: Top 10
Things NOT to Say to Yourself
1. I’m not worth it.
This is a direct assault
on your self-esteem and it is simply not true!
Telling yourself you are
not “worth it” only perpetuates negative beliefs you may have picked up early
in life.
2. There’s no use.
Telling yourself there is
no use steals your personal power and leaves you with no motivation.
3. I can’t do it.
Again, very disempowering.
There are times when you truly cannot do something, however, most of the time
this one is delivered as more of a self-attack than a statement of fact.
4. I’ll never follow through.
This is a set up for
failure before you really get started. We all know that success comes one day
at a time.
Telling yourself you will
fail before you get started is shooting yourself in the foot.
5. People won’t like me.
A set up for rejection.
When you enter a new situation telling yourself that people won’t like you, it
can become a self-fulfilling prophecy!
6. Others are better than I am.
We all tend to compare
ourselves to others.
Sometimes we exercise
prejudice against ourselves, though.
Telling yourself that
others are better than you is an assault on your self-worth.
7. I am not enough.
A huge one for people who
feel inadequate to meet the demands of life.
A sense of personal
inadequacy is very discouraging – don’t reinforce it!
8. I must be perfect.
The way to guarantee
failure is to criticize yourself whenever you are imperfect, which is all the
time.
We are perfectly
imperfect!
9. My opinion doesn’t matter.
More low self-esteem in this
statement.
To say this one to
yourself, you must consider yourself unworthy.
10. I’ll never be any different.
We say this as if we are
written failure into stone.
It’s a hopeless thought.
Just say no to this one!
What To Do About Negative Self-Talk
Follow these steps to get
a better handle on your negative self-talk:
1.
Catch yourself.
So often we run on
autopilot and allow our minds to ruin our day.
So, start each day with
the conscious goal to catch yourself saying negative things.
2.
Call a spade a spade.
Next, label what you just
said!
Recognize it as negative
self-talk.
3.
Use the following formula:
“I just had the
thought…” (repeat the negative thought here).
If you caught yourself
saying, “I am not worth it,” for example, then you would pause and say, “I just
had the thought, ‘I am not worth it.’”
Using this formula
securely labels the thought as a mere thought.
If you do not realize that
what you said was just a thought, you run a higher risk of taking it personally
and allowing it to ruin your day.
4.
Take a deep breath and
move on!
9 Ways to Stop the
Incredible Damage of Negative Self Talk
You’ve heard it
before—you’re your own worst critic.
Here’s how to silence that
nagging voice in your head.
1. See yourself more accurately
Parts of
your brain are hardwired to scan for problems, meaning they’ll latch onto your
weaknesses and magnify them, says Amy Johnson, PhD, psychologist, life coach,
and author of The Little Book of Big Change.
“The thing that your mind is fixating on and seeing as this imperfection and
horrible flaw, that’s pretty biased,” she says.
Once you
recognize that your mind isn’t telling the truth, you can let criticisms become
background noise instead of a disruptive roar
2. Focus on your good traits
“It’s
hard to forget pain, but it’s easy to forget what makes us happy,” says Irina
Popa-Erwin, founder of The NYC Life Coach.
To remind
yourself of your best qualities, she recommends looking in the mirror and
finding three things you like about yourself every day for three months. “At
the beginning you might not believe it—you’re just saying it because you gave
yourself that assignment,” she says. “At the end of three months, you’ll
actually embrace them because of the repetition that you keep telling
yourself.”
3. Know what to blame on your mood
Just as
you should give yourself time to cool off before sending an angry email, learn
to ignore self-loathing when you’re feeling generally down. “Imperfections and
flaws tend to change day to day and by our mood,” Johnson says. “When we’re in
a bad mood, we think we have all kinds of problems. When we’re in a good mood,
all of a sudden those problems don’t seem so big.” Once you’ve had a chance to
cheer up, you’ll probably find that the failings you saw before aren’t worth
dwelling on.
4. Ask yourself why you care
Do you
want toned arms for your own benefit or because you're worried about what other
people think about your appearance?
Popa-Erwin
says understanding your real values and dreams will help you be more content
when your shortcomings don’t stack up to others’ expectations (or what you
think they expect). “I tell people to find what they want. Not based on what
society says, not based on what their circle of friends has,” she says. “That
will be different standards.” If your priority is spending time with family,
don’t sweat the fact that you can’t spend hours at the gym.
5. Understand your inner critic has good intentions
“Never
criticize the voices inside you that criticize you,” says Melissa Sandfort,
IFSCP, founder of A Thousand Paths life coaching. “Two wrongs don’t make a
right.”
Instead
of resenting your negative thoughts, appreciate their helpful purposes, she
says.
After
all, beating yourself up over eating too many cookies is your mind’s way of
trying to get your body healthier.
Understand
why you’re having those thoughts, but don’t believe them when they say you’re
inadequate.
6. Learn to
accept—not love—your flaws
If you
try persuading yourself you love your imperfections, your inner lie detector
will go crazy. “To convince yourself it’s a good thing can be sort of
annoying,” Johnson says. “You know your giving yourself a pep talk, and it
falls short.”
Instead
of forcing a positive spin on your weaknesses, give yourself perspective and
remind yourself they seem worse to you than they really are.
7. Recognize
what you’re beating yourself up over
Then
decide what steps you’ll make to better yourself, Popa-Erwin says. The key is
to pick steps you’re willing to
take, not ones you feel obligated to
take. “If you say what you’re willing to do, then you’re already a step forward
and will feel much better because you see progress,” she says. Then build a
long-term plan to work at it, checking your progress every few months to remind
yourself how far you’ve come.
8. Recognize
your accomplishments
Maybe
your presentation at work didn’t go as well as you’d hoped, but that single
shortcoming doesn’t define you.
Remind
yourself of everything else you’ve accomplished and that disappointment won’t
seem like such a big deal anymore.
“There is
not one person on this earth who didn’t accomplish something,” Popa-Erwin says.
“It could be saying ‘hi’ to someone, smiling at someone, helping a friend in
need, or listening.”
Reminding
yourself often of these little wins can change your mindset and help you
embrace the bright side of your failures, she says.
9. Address
your vulnerabilities
Criticizing
your flaws is usually self-defense. Painful past experiences leave you
vulnerable, with your mind trying to prevent that shame, anger, or lack of
control again by criticizing you when you make those same mistakes again. But
often, the flaw really isn’t as big of a deal as your mind makes it out to be,
Sandfort says.
Figuring
out why you started to hate that weaknesses can put it back in perspective. “Go
to your vulnerable parts and witness the pain they’ve been carrying, and then
they can let go of it and not be as vulnerable as in the past,” Sandfort says.
Once
you’ve accepted your past, your mind won’t have to work so hard to protect you
from letting it happen again and you’ll react less strongly.
Until I come your way
again, this is #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst
Keep it coming!!!
Like us on Facebook and follow our broadcasts there
#DrJTF
PS:
This Program is powered by Topitup Media & Communication Nigeria.
This Program is powered by Topitup Media & Communication Nigeria.
Any
and all rights are hereby reserved (c) 2018
Comments
Post a Comment