Morning Vibes With Dr Jerry - The First-Episode 147/Overcome The Fear Of Failure

Wednesday                            7th February 2018

Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First

Hello and welcome to #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst-Episode 147

Title:          If You Have To Choose Yourself First This Year, These Are The 8 Things To Throw Overboard - Overcome The Fear Of Failure

In continuation of our discussion on the habits to drop like a piece of hot charcoal if you have to choose yourself first this 2018.

Yesterday we took a look at Overcome Procrastination and discussed in details what it is and how it can be overcome in order to take the lead on.

Today we are taking a look at   Overcome The Fear Of Failure

Fear of Failure Phobia  - Atychiphobia

Normal amount of doubt regarding success in certain project, relationships or examinations is usually present in most people.

However, when the fear of failure takes on an extreme form then it is termed as Atychiphobia

Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all?

Or has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?

Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another.

The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward.

But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.

Everyone hates to fail, but for some people, failing presents such a significant psychological threat,  their motivation to avoid failure exceeds their motivation to succeed. This fear of failure causes them to unconsciously sabotage their chances of success, in a variety of ways.

Failing can elicit feelings such as disappointment, anger, frustration, sadness, regret, and confusion that, while unpleasant, are usually not sufficient to trigger a full-blown fear of failure.

Indeed, the term is somewhat of a misnomer because it is not failure per se that underlies the behavior of people who have it.

Rather, a fear of failure is essentially a fear of shame.

People who have a fear of failure are motivated to avoid failing not because they cannot manage the basic emotions of disappointment, anger, and frustration that accompany such experiences but because failing also makes them feel deep shame.

Shame is a psychologically toxic emotion because instead of feeling bad about our actions (guilt) or our efforts (regret), shame makes us feel bad about who we are.

Shame gets to the core of our egos, our identities, our self-esteem, and our feelings of emotional well-being.

The damaging nature of shame makes it urgent for those who have a fear of failure to avoid the psychological threats associated with failing by finding unconscious ways to mitigate the implications of a potential failure—for example, by buying unnecessary new clothes for a job interview instead of reading up on the company—which allows them to use the excuse, “I just didn’t have time to fully prepare."

10 Signs You Might Have a Fear of Failure

The following are not official diagnostics—but if you feel that these criteria are very characteristic of you (very being an important distinguishing marker, since as we all feel these things to some extent), you might want to examine the issue further, either by doing more reading about it or talking to a mental health professional.

1. Failing makes you worry about what other people think about you.

2. Failing makes you worry about your ability to pursue the future you desire.

3. Failing makes you worry that people will lose interest in you.

4. Failing makes you worry about how smart or capable you are.

5. Failing makes you worry about disappointing people whose opinion you value.

6. You tend to tell people beforehand that you don’t expect to succeed in order to lower their expectations.

7. Once you fail at something, you have trouble imagining what you could have done differently to succeed.

8. You often get last-minute headaches, stomach aches, or other physical symptoms that prevent you from completing your preparation.

9. You often get distracted by tasks that prevent you from completing your preparation which, in hindsight, were not as urgent as they seemed at the time.

10. You tend to procrastinate and "run out of time" to complete you preparation adequately.

Causes of Fear of Failure

To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what "failure" actually means.

We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have different benchmarks, values, and belief systems.

A failure to one person might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.

Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure (also called "atychiphobia") is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals.

Fear of failure can be linked to many causes.

For instance, having critical or unsupportive parents is a cause for some people.

Because they were routinely undermined or humiliated in childhood, they carry those negative feelings into adulthood.

Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause.

For example, say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly.

The experience might have been so terrible that you became afraid of failing in other things.

And you carry that fear even now, years later.

How You Experience Fear of Failure

You might experience some or all of these symptoms if you have a fear of failure:

A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.

Self-sabotage  – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety , or a failure to follow through with goals.

Low self-esteem or self-confidence  – commonly using negative statements such as "I'll never be good enough to get that promotion," or "I'm not smart enough to get on that team."

Perfectionism  – A willingness to try only those things that you know you'll finish perfectly and successfully.

The Definition of Failure

It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure.

People who do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere. Put simply, they're not really living at all.

But, the wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide how to look at it.

We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate we are.

Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is.

Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn.

These lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again.

Failures stop us only if we let them.

It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:

Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time.

And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't think he had enough skill.

Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.

Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high-school dropout.

Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions.

But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team.

Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high-school diploma.

Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you.

Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise.

For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are.

Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed.

Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life.

How Not to Be Afraid of Failure

It's important to realize that in everything we do, there's always a chance that we'll fail.

Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous – it also gives us a fuller, more rewarding life.

However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:

Analyze all potential outcomes –

Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown.

Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision.

Learn to think more positively –

Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage.

Look at the worse-case scenario –

In some cases, the worst case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case scenario may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.

Have a contingency plan  –

If you're afraid of failing at something, having a "Plan B" in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.

How to Stop Living in Fear

If you are afraid of failure, you might be uncomfortable setting goals .

But goals help us define where we want to go in life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.

Many experts recommend visualization  as a powerful tool for goal setting. Imagining how life will be after you've reached your goal is a great motivator to keep you moving forward.

However, visualization might produce the opposite results in people who have a fear of failure.

Research shows that people who have a fear of failure were often left in a strong negative mood after being asked to visualize goals and goal attainment.

So, what can you do instead?

Start by setting a few small goals .

These should be goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging.

Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to help boost your confidence.

For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal.

Plan to stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.

Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you're convinced that you're not smart enough to be accepted into business school.

Set a goal to talk with a school counselor or admissions officer to see what's required for admission.

Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals.

Don't focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA.

Just focus on the next step: introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an admissions officer. That's it.

Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.

Here are 13 Incredibly simple ways to overcome the fear of failure

Imagine if you could do anything in the world without feeling fear or any negative feelings.

Fear of failure is instilled in us from early childhood. We’re told not to do that, avoid this, or else.

After a while you become cautious. Instead of taking action, you seek permission and confirmation.

As we grow, this belief tends to become unconscious and automatic.

You aren’t aware of it’s presence, yet it controls you from the shadows, like an invisible puppet master.

Overcoming fear of failure is not easy, but it can be done, especially when you are determined to take your personal growth to the next level.

There is no magic pill. You don’t have to become fearless.

You have to be willing to face and investigate your fears.

1. Identify the Root Cause

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald

Where does your fear of failure originate?

Sit down with yourself, take a few deep breaths, ask yourself when your fear of failure was formed, and observe what you see, feel, or hear.

When you see what caused your fear of failure, you also see that your mind's interpretation is far from accurate.

If your parents were overly protective, or if you had a particularly strict teacher, you’ll see that they did it because they wanted the best for you.

It’s easy to see how your past self interpreted events. But if you look at the event as an outsider, you see that it had nothing to do with you.

It’s crucial to examine your negative beliefs. They have a big influence on how you live your life.

2. Simplify

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” — Leonardo da Vinci

Complexity is hard to visualize.

If you try, you end up feeling overwhelmed.

Everything may begin to feel hopeless and not worth doing, because you just don’t know how, or where, to start.

When I began my online journey, I was overwhelmed. I had no idea of where to go, what to do, or how to do it.

When I simplified the tasks in front of me, clarity emerged. I had no problem taking action, because I had broken everything down into actionable pieces.

And if I didn’t know what to do, I asked someone, or sought out the information I needed.

I took the task of starting a website and broke it down to coming up with a domain name, buying hosting, getting a website up and running, and getting a simple design.

It also didn’t hurt that I was determined to make it work. If you don’t have that fire burning inside of you, think twice about moving forward.

Find your passion, and boldly go where you have never gone before.

3. Failure is Inevitable

“It is foolish to fear what you cannot avoid.” — Publius Syrus

Failure is inevitable if you want to live a remarkable life.

You want to live a life full of passion, meaning and purpose.

We all do.

But it’s not going to happen if you succumb to your fears and seek the comfortable path.

Sooner or later you will have to overcome the fear of failure, and you will have to overcome many other fears during your lifetime.

Sometimes it’s overwhelming, frustrating, and exhausting. I know. I’ve been there, but the more you move through tough periods, the more you grow.

If you want the life of your dreams, make failure a part of your life.

Embrace the temporary pain of uncertainty and struggle.

4. Fail More. Succeed More.

“There is no failure. Only feedback.” — Robert Allen

The more you fail, the more you succeed.

I learned that lesson early in life. When I became a Commercial School Teacher, I was 18, and I already knew that the more feedback I received from my Students, the faster I learned.

I crave constructive criticism. It is a chance for me to improve what I’m doing.

I never assume that I know it all, nor do I assume that I am above failure.

Even the most successful people fail every single day.

The difference between the successful and the not-yet-successful is the realization that failure is a stepping stone, not a death sentence.

5. Failure is Temporary

“Failure is an event, never a person.” — William D. Brown

Failure feels permanent, but it isn’t.

When you imagine failing, you probably play an internal movie until you fail, and the credits roll.

But real life doesn’t work like that.

Consider some of your favorite movies. The protagonist may struggle. He or she may fail over and over again, until a vital lesson is learned.

You can’t predict the future, which means you don’t know if failure is good or bad.

If you learn from it, and keep going, chances are it’s going to improve your chances of success.

Failure molds you into your ideal self.

I’ve failed more times than I can count, yet I still fear failure.

The difference now versus my past self is that I know that the fear of failure is just a thought.

It conjures up feelings in my body that feel bad.

It has no bearing in reality.

It is often exaggerated and out of control.

It’s a mental movie that stops before the story even starts.

Most people never stop to observe their thoughts. And they never stop to ponder that their thoughts could be wrong.

Why give your thoughts all that authority if they make you feel bad?

6. Free Your Mind

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” — Buddha

See your thoughts for what they are … thoughts.

Just because you have a thought doesn’t make it true.

We aren’t taught how we create our experience of life, so we end up being prisoners of our mind.

So how does it work?

You feel your thinking.

If I have a thought that says I'm not good enough, and I believe that thought, I’ll experience the corresponding feeling.

In other words, I’ll feel like I’m not good enough.

But just because I have that thought, and I believe it, doesn’t make it so.

So how does this help you with the fear of failure?

You don’t have to believe every thought you have.

If I have a thought tells me that I’ll fail, I can watch it and let it be. I don’t have to react.

You can feel the feeling of failing. Welcome it in your body. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

7. Shift Your Perspective

“Failure teaches success.” — Japanese Saying

Who taught you that failure is a bad thing?

It feels bad, so it must be bad. Is that really true?

Every belief and thought that makes us feel bad needs to be examined.

What good does a fear of failure do us?

It’s easier said than done to eliminate negative beliefs, but it all starts with being aware that a problem actually exists.

The last thing you want to do is get mad at yourself for not being perfect.

We all have our unique fears.

They often serve a hidden purpose that only reveals itself in hindsight.

Your fears help you grow in the way you need to grow.

You realize your negative beliefs when they need to be realized. There is no rush. This is not a competition. You’re doing just fine.

Look at each failure as a blessing in disguise.

It is not through our successes that we become wise, but through our failures.

It can be extremely frustrating, but it teaches you discipline, and it teaches you to value process over results.

It taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life, which is to look at the negative periods as times of learning.

The same goes for life. Whenever you’re faced with something difficult, learn from it and grow, because it will pass.

8. Self Growth

“Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” — Mary Pickford

We all have the same basic fears.

While some get through them easily, others become stuck.

Use your fears as signposts that tell you where you have room to grow.

Fear of failure is something everyone has to face.

It may feel horrible.

That’s because you imagine it to be so in your mind. 

Look at the pictures and thoughts that come up when you think about the fear of failure.

What do you see?

Do you see yourself failing in front of a large group of people, which then proceed to laugh and ridicule you?

This is a story. A movie. You can let it all be.

In a way, you’re not afraid of failing, you’re afraid of the mental movie you keep playing.

9. Welcome Fear

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Everyone is afraid to one degree or another.

No one is different. It seems to be etched into our DNA.

The sooner you befriend your fear, the faster you can move forward.

It is not fear that stops you from going after your dreams, but what you decide to do because of those fears.

You can reprogram the way you react to your fears, thoughts, and worries. Whenever I am working on something I deem important, such as a book or e-course, and a fear pops up, I know I will get through it.

The alternative is giving up, which isn’t an option.

If you are determined to go after your passion, your fears will become insignificant in comparison.

10. Take Action

“I failed my way to success.” — Thomas Edison

We have more knowledge at our fingertips now than ever before.

The internet gives you access to a sea of information.

You can learn and do whatever you feel inspired to do. 

It’s fantastic.

But you can also drown in that sea if you don’t know how to swim.

The key is to learn enough to take the next step.

When you blend action with the guidance that comes from your heart, your progress will be fast, powerful, and fulfilling.

You see, while most people wait for the perfect moment, you will be out there learning, doing, and growing.

That is what will get you to the life of your dreams.

11. Imagine Your Future

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” — Vincent van Gogh

Sometimes negativity helps.

Imagine a future where fear controls your life.

What does it look like?

Where do you end up?

Do you think you would regret it when you’re taking your last breath?

Now imagine your life having followed your passion despite your fears.

You would be living the life you always desired.

You would look back at your life without regret.

Mistakes will have been made.

You may even have embarrassed yourself once or twice, but it will have added splashes of color to the canvas of your life.

You can sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. But it’s not going to change your life.

In order to live a regret-free life, you have to be willing to make mistakes.

Throw some color at the canvas and see what happens. You might just be surprised at what you discover.

Live life for you, not for anyone else.

This is your experience. Enjoy it.

12. Stay in the Now

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

Most of us are pulled to the past or the future.

We regret what we’ve done (or not done), and we worry about what's to come.

Using the past and present is fine when done with a purpose, like #11 up there, but letting your mind run amok will do you no good.

There are no problems in the present. If you’re reading this, chances are high that you are okay. You have a roof over your head, you have food in the fridge, and you feel fine.

You would be fine without a roof as well.

What would make it not okay is your mind, and the stories it tells around your situation.

Accept the gift that is the present moment.

Breathe, smell, hear, and enjoy who you are, right now.

You already have the key to your happiness.

13. Follow Your Passion

“No man is a failure who is enjoying life.” — William Feather

When you decide to follow your passion, you are more likely to blast through your fears.

You know, like me, that doing anything other than going after your dreams is not an option. I might feel secure in a regular job, but I would never happy and fulfilled.

Sometimes I feel like I am not living life, but life is living me.

I go with my feelings and my heart.

I do what excites me.

It’s an interesting way to live. I invite you to try it.

Overcoming fear of failure is as hard as you make it.

When you face your fears, you realize that they aren’t as bad as you thought they’d be.

So what will it be?

Your fears, or the life of your dreams?

Until I come your way again, this is #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst

Keep it coming!!!

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