Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First - Episode 272/This Toxic Behavior Drains Your Mental and Emotional Energy

Wednesday                            13th June 2018

Morning Vibes With Dr. Jerry - the First

Hello and welcome to #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst-Episode 272

Title:          This Toxic Behavior Drains Your Mental and Emotional Energy

When life has to be lived a certain way in order to be good enough for you, you instantly close yourself off from all the real and present opportunities available – you spend all your mental energy resisting life, rather than making the best of it.

And sadly, this is how the vast majority of the human population lives – stuck in a perpetual cycle of resistance.

But YOU DON'T have to continue this cycle.

You can change your mind!

When you consciously choose to let go of the way it “should” be, you free your mind to deal with life’s unexpected changes, challenges and chaos in the most effective way possible…

You create space for acceptance, learning and growth.

You learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others.

And gradually, you allow yourself to step forward with a clear and focused mind.

Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc. – it doesn’t matter what you title it…what matters is that you find the strength to leave in the past those parts of your life that were not meant to be, so you can better attend to the present.

What has happened is uncontrollable; what you do now changes everything!

Letting go is NOT easy; it’s a journey that is traveled one day at a time.

Until she closed the "past of her life" and opened up a new vista for a better future, Marylyn (not real name) did not move forward.

She had been a victim of child abuse in the hand of her step Father. He not only abused her by words of mouth, calling her unprintable names even in the presence of her Mother but he tried raping her once. Her Mother was so besotted with her Husband (Marylyn's step Father ) that she broached no bad words against him and she never came to her daughter's rescue those times that the man would give a piece of his tongue to the young girl. Marlyn felt abandoned by her Mother.

She was 11 years old when her biological Father died from a job related accident (she did not know the details); all she remembered was that her Daddy loved her to excess, he never allowed anyone to say any unkind words to her, showered her with gifts, took her on outings and made her feel wanted in a world that tends to push away those who are less fortunate. Her Mother mourned her Father for a while but after 2 years, she got hooked up with her present Husband and decided to marry him and from the time the man moved into their house, things were not the same again.

He started to maltreat her, openly rebuking her even for things that were not that serious, never allowed her to go out to play, calling her names and all that and so for 5 years, she endured all that.

When she turned 18, the man's attitude towards her changed, she noticed that he started being nice to her, buying her gifts, trying to endear himself to her; she had heard of step Dad's sexual abuse and she suspected that the man was showing sexual interest in her.

She swore that the day the man made any moves on her would be the day that his marriage to her Mother would end and so she decided to arm herself just in case the man tried to rape her.

Every night, she would take the kitchen knife into her room and hide it under her pillow, she vowed to use it on the man if he ever as much as came close to her.

Her suspicions came true some months into her 18th birth day

On that eventful night, she had retired to bed a little bit late because she was up doing her assignment - She was in College then. 

Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning (around 3 am or so) she heard her door open and though not fully conscious but she could perceive the presence of someone else in the room; she immediately woke up with a start and went for her table light and flicked it on only to see her step Father right there in her room in his boxers and bare chested. As the table light came on, the man rushed towards her on the bed and seized her, telling her to relax because he came in peace.

Her fear was unimaginable and she started shouting and calling to her Mother but the man advised her to stop making noise because her Mother is very deeply asleep and they have no neighbours to come to her aid.

He plainly told her that he wants to have sex with her and that she either plays cool and have it with him or he would force his way through.

The girl swore that it would be over her dead body that he would have sex with her, this infuriated him and he told her that she gave him no other choice but to force his way through. He immediately held on the girls night gown and tore it into two, revealing her bra less breasts and her pant, this seemed to have intoxicated him the more that he did not even notice when the girl put her right hand under her pillow and took out the kitchen knife, he was making his way to her pant, infact he had actually also torn the pant and yanked it out, it was then that she raised the kinfe with all the force and energy she could muster and stabbed him on the right side of his neck where the big vein is located and immediately there was a gush of blood and the last words she heard from the man was "this girl has killed me" and he fell onto the bed.

She extricated herself from under him and made a dash for the door.

He was still bleeding and his blood soaked the bed; she ran into her Mother's room and tried waking her up but she was so deeply asleep that she could not be woken up, she wondered why she was that asleep and then reasoned that maybe the man had drugged her so as to have his way with her daughter.  She came back to her room and found the man still on the bed, with blood still pouring out of the stab wound, he was not moving and she dared not get close to him, so she tiptoed to her closet, picked a few of her clothes  put them in her back pack with her laptop, took her money (she had made some in-house savings), went back to her Mother's room to search for money, found quite an amount in the man's wallet and took them all, then she left the house and started running.

She had been on the run ever since then.

She changed her name and looks, changed States a number of times, could not fall in love with any man because of the ghost of the past infact she was incapable of having any meaningful relationships.

At 30 with two College degrees and a Masters with a job that was paying her in the 6 figure income bracket, she reasoned with herself that her life is worth nothing if she is unable to live it to the hilt, get married and have her own kids - so she decided to seek psychological help.

Incidentally she met an Old Psychiatrist who took her in as a Father - she confessed everything to him and he told her to drop the past where it belonged and charge up her life for the present that is her reality and the future that she can build from the present.

It can be excruciatingly difficult to leave a long-term life situation (or dream) behind, even when your inner-wisdom tells you that things aren’t right and that it’s time to let go.

At this point, you can choose to let go and endure the sudden pain of leaving behind the familiar to make way for a new chapter in your life, or you can stay and suffer a constant, aching pain that gradually eats away at your heart and mind like a cancer… until you wake up one day and find yourself buried so deep in the dysfunction of the situation that you barely remember who you are and what you desire.

Choose wisely!

Things will happen that are unexpected, undesirable, and uncontrollable. But you can always choose to let go and take the next tiniest step forward.

Marylyn had to leave the crime she committed in self defense in the past to the past so that she could live in the present for a worthy future she could only build from the present.

You can do likewise

Until I come your way again, this is #MorningVibesWithDrJerryTheFirst

Keep it coming!!!

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